You may have noticed either that the title of this post is a part 2 or that the previous was part 1. If so, you win! If not, this is the second part ;-). So, I wanted to give a personal example of elemental tone in a piece so I pull out a completely unseen poem from April. I wrote this one while watching Dead Poets Society one day. It was inspired as much by the feel of the movie as the content. The fog when the boys sneak off to their cave, the carved wood of the school, the cave itself, the robes they wore, and even the Puck costume had influence on the way I wrote this. I hope you enjoy it and please, please, please email or text me feedback for it, as it is the extreme first draft and I haven't even reviewed it. Also, I'll be happy to clear up any questions about it, but I want you primarily to focus on the way the poem feels. Thank you
Ubi Sunt?
We are.
We were.
We ever shall be.
All that once was
Trembles above us.
Dust and shadows
Press our lungs
Till our dry shouts
Consume the world of
Those corporal spirits.
We laugh with bony tongues
At their haste to join us.
-Caston
i get what you are doing with the opening and the "We's" but i think "Ever shall we be" would sound better. As for the poem its a smooth read and makes you think, but i would sure like to know what its about exactly. Good descriptive imagery and i like the closing.
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